35 comments

• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by linda

  Love your tip about taking in the haters and physically ripping it up and getting rid of it! Nice!
  
  It definitely helps to get my momentum going by tackling little things here and there... to build up my courage and beat the fear!

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Angela

  Lately I'm stuck... in general. I recognize that most of my fears are coming from my fear of failure, so I only dream, I don't take action and I don't create (ok, I do create occasionally, but on the "safe zone", more as a hobby).
  Your words are so simple yet wise. We shouldn't be afraid of trying and taking steps towards our dreams.
  I need to work on that...

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Kagan

  Mayi! This topic is one I've thought about quite a bit personally so it's great to see you making a video about it.
  
  I especially like how you point out there are only three things that can happen to you and two of them are amazing. Puts it into a whole new perspective and gives me a place to work from where I feel motivated and encouraged.
  
  When I come up against Haters I try to remember that their negativity says more about them than it does about me. Not everyone is going to 'get' what you do and that's okay it's still meaningful and magnificent.
  
  Thanks for another great Friday Video Time, I always look forward to them!

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Kylie

  Why would anyone send you a nasty email??? You're a bundle of happiness and cute!
  
  Thanks for another great friday video time, Mayi. I used to struggle with fear a lot but now instead of focusing on that, I focus on where I want to be - and that gets me pumped up all over again!
  
  (My two year old is running around saying "Friday video time! It's Friday video time!" in a crazy voice... Just saying.)

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Jacolien

  Thank you so much for this video!
  I love the idea of physically ripping apart mails from Haters. I think it´s quite libirating to do so.
  But I don´t realy have haters yet, nor do I have people who encourage me or give me advice.
  I´m in the proces of putting my creations out into the world. I started a blog over a year ago and created a little webshop a week ago.
  But there´s not realy much people who see it and no-one reacts to it.
  Do you or anyone else have some advice on how to enlarge your number of views and to get more interaction with them?
  I`d love to hear those!

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Linda: So happy to hear it was helpful sweetie :)
  
  Thanks for stopping by + leaving your lovely comment!

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by francesca

  Hi Mayi! I feel that in this video you speak from your heart, I love it! You're right, when you have fear you must create. Ideas that you can't expand becomes paralyzing fossil° ° What a bad image! Thanks again for clearing my thoughts :)

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Nicole

  You receive hate mail??? How can that even be possible? :)

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• Comment Link 24/02/2012 posted by Brooke

  You are awesome! What great tips! Thank you so much for sharing!

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Jenn

  I think everyone needs to hear this! Sometimes I get so pumped up about my goals and then I start listening to the hatred in my own mind trying to convince me that mine is not good enough!
  
  I hope your reader takes your advice to heart. I can't imagine where I would be if I had started creating and putting a product out there at 18! Best of luck finding your dream and chasing it!

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Angela: Oh yes I know all about the "safe zone". But have you noticed that although we call it the "safe zone" it's actually only the lure of safety + comfort? It's the illusion of a safe space, but for us artists it's a little bit like a prison, because it's the opposite of innovation + growth. Hence the feeling of utter frustration.
  
  So at the end, I always opt for playing with my fear because it's less scary than staying "safely" guarded within the bounds of my own insecurities + limitations. Can you relate?

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Kagan: "Negativity says more about them than it does about me." Brilliant. That's so so true!
  
  It's just like you say, your gift is not for everybody + that's actually a pretty cool thing about you… it's what makes every single one of us splendidly unique + awesome!
  
  Thanks for your wonderful + insightful comment!

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Kylie: LOL I should have clarified I really don't get much hate mail. In my life I've probably received a total of 5 (knock on wood), but I'm so emotional I can still remember them as if they happened yesterday, know what I mean?
  
  That's probably the reason why I've had to learn the hard way to take ownership for other peoples reactions + to never let it stop me from catching my dreams. It's just like you say… refocusing on where I want to be!
  
  PS: LOL next time you gotta film the FVT singing hehehehe!

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Jacolien: Oh yes, turning our emotions into physical acts helps seal the deal. It's truly powerful!
  
  Ok, so how to generate reactions? Good question. So the first thing I noticed upon entering your site is that there isn't a clear call to action. I recommend nailing your copy + website architecture to lead your followers to where you want them to "react". A short blurb about what your site is about can help. Right now the tagline seems too generic + it's hard to gain customer loyalty when your trying to be too many things for too many people.
  
  A newsletter opt-in form is a must too to start building your list.
  
  I hope this helps to get the ball rolling.

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Angela

  You are so right Mayi! The main reason of my frustration and disappointment is that I KNOW that I have the sources, the skills, the talent, the knowledge (you can call it whatever you want) to move forward and instead of that I let my fear holding me back.
  It's just that I have too many things going on with my life lately and I just put my dreams to the back burner. Or is it just an excuse?
  Thank you Mayi so much! You are a true creative Guru! ;-)

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Cathy

  Mayi, this is in fact a very disturbing yet important subject to tackle! Because we really can be our own worst enemies when we start listening to our own fears way too much...
  
  I've been there. And I'm still fighting to get out of it. It's not something you conquer in a second, but if you work on it, you can totally get it - I believe in you when you say this!
  
  And after conquering it, the reactions... Oh my, the frightfull reactions from others. What will they be? Will they like it or hate it? As you said, everyone might get 3 kinds of reactions: those who love it (or, sometimes, they just love the idea of seeing you creating anything, giving wings to your imagination, for they will be there for you no matter what), those who can help you improve it (and these are totally a must keep, for they will be real honest with you and help you improve and find new ways, even if the one you took is still valid and good) and those who hate it (sometimes it's even because they're jealous!!!). Well, we do absolutely fear the haters! They can really get to us! But we must keep in mind that everybody is different (thankfully) and that we don't have to please everyone. But maybe you could also learn someting from the haters, depending on how they show their hate, for they might also show you other ways to go...
  
  Oh, I talk the talk so well, but I still have to walk the walk!!! ;P
  
  PS - I'm still not selling anything, but can you just give me your input on my blog? (if so, you could perhaps send me an e-mail about it)

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Haroulla

  Hello Mayi! Great advice. The 'haters' (and jealous people), have actually been a weakness of mine. I tend to vent to my boyfriend about people like that, I get extremelly upset actually, but his advice and positivity helps me through it. And you're right Mayi, acknowledging that these people exist and then realising that we are much better than that makes all the difference! All this negative stuff and learning to deal with it, has actually made me much stronger, and more confident as a person.
   
  Hugs! Have a fab weekend! :)

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Jeannie

  LOVE the idea of physically ripping up the haters words!
  
  When dealing with haters, I try to think of how I deal with my MIL. No matter what I do, she disapproves and her response is always, "Well! I sure wouldn't have done it like that!" No matter what the "done it" is - it could be a new bedspread, a new paint color for the kitchen, or something I've written or created. She's never happy with it, but she also will never tell me how she would have done it. Even when I ask her point blank, she just changes the subject. And it's not just me - she treats my husband the same way. In the early days of our marriage, her behavior used to leave me in tears after every visit. Eventually, I learned to just ignore the negativity & laugh at her ways. Now when she starts with the "Well!" I just smile & tell myself I must have done something right!
  
  Now, if I could only get that little voice in my head to sound like the MIL's voice, I might get somewhere! :)

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• Comment Link 25/02/2012 posted by Tabassum

  I love popping over to your site to get my weekly dose of motivation+ cuteness :)
  
  The next time I get some hater mail (which is rare, thankfully), I'm going to have to try your tip. I'm very sensitive when it comes to my work, so when I receive negative hurtful comments about it, I take it very personally-something I have to work on.
  
  But the act of physically tearing up their letter gives one closure and helps you realize that you don't have to let their energy affect you-it's just their opinion, but it's not the truth.

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• Comment Link 26/02/2012 posted by Andrea

  I think this was a fabulous post. I think us creative types are more intuitive so when we get that "hater" energy, we feel it more than the average person, we tend to internalize it.
  This is something I struggle with, but I try and focus on two things when dealing with rejection, haters, or even when things just don't go the way I'd hoped:
  
  1. People's negativity, their responses, are valid, but they belong to those people, not to me. They don't have to do with me, and like Kagan said, that energy is probably coming from something in their life that has nothing to do with me. And I don't have the space in my life to hang onto that negativity - it's not what I'm about.
  
  2. It wasn't meant to be. I know there is a path out there full of good and beautiful things, and that path is meant for me. So when something doesn't work, or I get rejected, it's just God/the Universe, resetting me back to the path I need to be on. If I keep doing the work, and putting out the love and energy I believe in into the world, then where I end up will be bigger than the sum of a bad experience or a rejection.
  
  Hopefully we can all hold our faith in our purpose and our gifts above our pain/fear from rejection. :)

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• Comment Link 26/02/2012 posted by sam

  Thanks for this interesting post.
  I'd like to add that to overcome fear of judgement, you have to create for your own pleasure, and not to be validate by others. Not everything is showable to the world, especially when you're beginning, you have to practice a lot to become better and then, maybe there will be less fear because you will be confident about your work.
  Well, that's my opinion!
  
  XX

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• Comment Link 26/02/2012 posted by Michelle

  Thanks so much, Mayi! You will never know how much this meant. I needed your bright sunshine energy today :)
  
  I actually wrote about you on my blog:
  http://www.michelleainslie.com/?p=399
  
  You inspired me to create again and for this I will be eternally grateful.
  
  Loads of love to you!

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• Comment Link 26/02/2012 posted by Kim

  Mayi,
  I sure hope that the person that sent you this email is embracing all that she has to offer the world...I sure that she is extremely talented and I wish I had been given your advice at such a young age...
  Personally, it is sometimes hard to discover your own talent and then lead people to that talent on your website,..but, embrace yourself and embrace your dreams...start off with one small thing that you create...send it out into the world...and then take a step back and see what the reaction is...such great advice as always Mayi...and to the person that sent this email...I hope Mayi will keep us updated on your journey! Cupcakes and best wishes to you future creator of greatness!!!

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• Comment Link 26/02/2012 posted by Julianne M.

  Mayi!! I love love love the idea of physically ripping up the message from haters. I finally took the steps to making my creative dreams come true. It is a scary scary world out there, but with your advice of physically ripping the haters' message, I will be able to take back the control and my emotions.
  
  Thanks for sharing and as always, really enjoyed your positive happy video.

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• Comment Link 27/02/2012 posted by Claire

  Such great advice and very succinctly put!
  I think there is a 4th thing that can happen and that is to get no reaction at all and in some ways this is worse. At least you can rip up the hater's email and use it to empower yourself.
  How would you advise dealing with no reaction at all?

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Angela: I know exactly what you mean sweetie. The good thing is that you are well aware of it + THAT is essential for action. I know you will do great things. I really believe in you!

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Cathy: You hit right on the money… "We don't have to please everybody". That is EXACTLY how it is.

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Cathy... ONE MORE THING...
  
  I have had the privilege of visiting your blog. My first advice to you if you are getting ready to launch a product or sell things on your blog is to get out of bloodspot + buy your own domain/hosting. I recommend Wordpress.org.
  
  If you want us to dig deeper send me an e-mail.

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Haroulla: Hehehehe I vent to David too. I still don't know how he puts up with me hehehe. I am super happy you have someone that helps you cope. It's so important to have support throughout this process.
  
  Big hugs to you my dear!

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Jeannie: OMG you are so so brave for opening up to us. Thank you so much for sharing. I can only imagine how frustrating + painful that must be. Because one thing is to deal with haters who are strangers + it's a completely different to deal with loved ones who hate (even if it is just sometimes). I also applaud you for choosing to react with kindness. That really shows you are the better person + you should never lower yourself to her level.
  
  In some ways you are a PRO at dealing with negativity + that will allow you to withstand so much along the journey. Heck, at least something good came out of it, right?

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Tabassum: Ohh I take things personally too + I'm super emotional. The act of physically tearing apart hatred is very empowering. I swear it works. Let me know how it goes!

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Mayi Carles

  Andrea: AWESOME feedback girl! LOVE IT! Specially the part about "it wasn't meant to be". We are not meant to serve everybody + the sooner we can decipher who is an ideal candidate + who is really a pain the the butt for us, THE BETTER!
  
  Thanks again for your amazing contribution!

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• Comment Link 28/02/2012 posted by Cheryl Chavarria

  Mayi, you're fantastic and inspire me no doubt. I've been pulling myself out of fearland since last May. What?! Yes, it's a process. I went down lowwww and what has helped me come back to life is immersing myself in the activities that bring me joy, and surrounding myself with the people who know and love me best. Their energy renews my own. I even took a trip back to my hometown of Chicago and truly experienced it as a tourist would- with wonder and awe. Then...I started writing again with no intention to write anything, but instead to simply release...the pain, the doubt, the uncertainty, confusion and low self-esteem that was plaguing me. It is a continual process and I am still working through it. We have to remember what you said- fear, doubt and haters will always guarantee thir presence in our lives, but every artist must learn how to respond, or not respond. From the looks of every person's comment, we all have much in common--our humanity and our desire to create.;) You are wonderful. Best, Cheryl

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• Comment Link 29/02/2012 posted by April Starr

  Really enjoyed this video, Mayi! :)
  
  The thing I fear most is one that you didn't mention - crickets. Silence. That no one will even notice or care enough about what I do to even say whether they like it or dislike it! It's like I've heard people say they're proud enough people notice their work and care enough to say they don't like it - my fear is that no one will. I go through the same thing every time I post on my blog - I get so excited about my post while I am writing it... then I put it up ... and until someone comments I'm thinking "aaaaah! Everyone thinks its stupid and pities me too much to comment!" And then comments start rolling in, people share my post with others, and I realize it was all in my head. I was talking to my husband about it the other day ... it's such a silly fear really. While it doesn't stop me from posting, it just makes me anxious - and anxious doesn't help anything. So I want to work on the "sweat" time between when I publish something and when the first reactions come in - it isn't long usually, and I pretty much always get great feedback, but I beat myself over that period of time way too much. Thanks for the encouragement from your video! :)

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• Comment Link 05/03/2012 posted by Ashley Schulman

  Mayi, I want to thank you SO much for posting this video. I just found your website a few days ago and it has really pushed me to get serious about giving my creativity to the world. I feel like I've got so many ideas but I haven't been able to get them out there in fear that all my effort will go to waste. Thank you so much for the inspiration!

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